鵝園亂叫

but still really want to share this so here it is

能夠與Parannoul同世，是我這一生最大的幸運。這才是我的歸屬。聽2026年White Ceiling現場有感。

誰在敲我的屁股？

經常覺得有些人生活得很淺；這種淺不是「平淡纔是真」那種，而是在感受與思考。平淡也能有深邃的感想，而偏生他們過日子，就是匆匆；埋首於屏幕，做甚麼都拍照，說，這是做紀念或分享，然而拍下來的，又有多少真的是有「記憶」的功能的？上傳到社交媒體，或點評二三，一彰自己品味；或加幾個標籤，獲幾十、一百個讚，轉頭就忘了。點評和感受是兩回事，今人都好作前者。以前者爲高，而以爲後者不過小學讀後感。然則若無後者，前者也多形牽強。近年我極少再拍照，也在此；與其拍照，倘若那物事、景色是真的如此讓人驚歎或有意義的，就好好體驗，好好觀察，過後再寫下來。如此方不浪費美景也。那樣實際也會比拍照記憶得更深刻。

You fucker do not qualify to be a Saturn. Get the fuck down from that fucking rings of yours.

寫文、讚好、
旅遊、發帖、
講座、會議。

Even if there is no one and there will be no one and history turns out to be absolutely useless in doing what it should be doing, even if i never see the light of day and all things that I have done turn to dust and completely vanish in this universe as if they never existed; as if i never existed. whatever some people think. Historians should honk and I have faith in honking.

What has happened to me is the best thing that could happen to any scholar in modern times! And this isn't oh-suffering-is-good spirituality, it's just what I truly think. I'm sad but it is good sadness. I am sad and I have never been happier in my life!

批判權威是好的，直到權威變成自己。

今世卻多是借流俗為己張目，以流俗孤立忤逆人、邊緣者。
我是寧可狂妄。也不要再做鞋刷而不自知了。不要分明抱着屍體，卻還自我感動得不行。卻要感謝某素未謀面的○○來。不然，我都仍自猶豫，究竟猶是我自以為是否。是則是，不是則不是。

Saturn = about 75,335,000 me
Jupiter = about 89,375,000 me
Pluto = about 1,500,000 me

韓文真是有毒！不可再讀！然我腦袋一塞，雷就不復。不然，家母與貓都不太安。必是天人感應，雷也塞了！

大抵事只有一箇是非，是非既定，卻揀一箇是處行將去。必欲回互得人人道好，豈有此理！然事之是非，久卻自定。時下須是在我者無慊，仰不愧，俯不怍。別人道好道惡，管他！

昨查了好一陣子文體名。在量度這文字那文字可算跋否。記序否。論、議、說、解否。最後只能承認，自己寫的這些，大部分都不成文，更遑論體。然今世作文體亦難，若孟子、東坡議論文，今世若再有那樣論述者，多只招人目光耳。如何作文？倘若學術時文的格式亦未是。則學問和知識應以如何的文表述出來為理想？碎片化與文章是爲對立。對立不盡在文本的長度。

朱熹土歸作論孟解，我土歸以鵝圖裝飾博客。聖賢的土歸就是不同。

it's raining now!

咱胸中都可開家大餅子店了！

Seeking Darkness sounds more like Zhu Xi than anything else. Convince me this isn't genius!

新眼鏡很好！就是欲附會天象附會不來。

文之若干末段，讀來只是傷。實不曾真寫成，因爲始終都覺得未盡如意。末段尤其如此。初寫畢了是慟哭，再修改則屏蔽情緒，實皆痛苦。然與某項一般而已。最後都無人看得出；或止不屑以爲浮誇而已。

主咱學術者亦主咱屁股。主咱聲名者亦主咱的性器官。主咱敵人底是自家底心。此所有水瓶座如此也。又居咱學術宮的星體亦主咱的胸。咱的學術宮就是屁股與胸。

而咱家二者都扁平。是知咱學術宮亦平平。

近來經常想起許多細節。我總是這樣。常識都流失，然卻猶記得某年某天某語、某態、某細節。

People say emo is a phase, an immature, teenage phase. Well I guess I've inverted my mental growth! I will forever be an emo for the rest of my life. That's a commitment. Cause it does require commitment to be consistently cringy. May I never regret!

我還有誰是未得罪過的否？哦耶！

赫然才見得，原來屍體長這個樣子。

The real cringe is pretending. Real cringe is shoving your mic to the audience, pretending that you are hyping up the audience, when in fact it's because you can't sing the high notes. Singing breaking notes into your mic despite not being able to reach them, while might not be the most ideal scenario, sometimes could be even more fitting to the music, especially in emo. I guess it's because it sounds more pathetic that way.

i will continue to be as cringy as i could until i die. if comedy could be art. why couldn't emo too? i will not shut up until i die. not that i don't. i just can't.

i punched my toes for moving today

• a boar, according to internet

總要想：可以理解；或許有甚麼難言之隱；或許有甚麼不易；或許有甚麼矇蔽；可以理解，可以理解，卒無一人來。其實複雜或許複雜，誤解與不實或許也有，判斷資訊和說法之是非；其獨立之思考能力；卻在自家。卻不須總爲他人尋藉口。就等同我也無須藉口我自己。

過去幾日晚上，常夢見不同的師長。有些醒來也不記得是個甚麼劇情。

這不是精神病的世代，而是連精神病也失效的世代。

Maturity is recognizing this is the most that I can do in this life of me; the best that I can get can; the furthest that I can go; and seeing, realizing how what I've wanted, attempted and failed to achieve, there are younger people who are doing it, and are doing it much better than what I could have done; maturity is feeling inspired by younger generations.

我想，所以許多喜劇與陷落關聯，大抵是因爲人類的苦難多源出荒謬。而既出荒謬，又因苦難而更顯荒謬。

看Love Takes Miles，留言有說，從未見過如此能夠契合補捉歌曲意義的影片；復有留言回覆之，說，比起歌曲意義，更多是聽那首歌時的體驗。以爲甚精到。

一詞一句反覆斟酌，幾百則一一查核原文；在地鐵、診所內端着原著全神貫注地推敲；轉換文檔又手寫標註數遍，如此一年，如此十萬。當時如此為之的人，不是他們。

大抵類近背腔喘息。雖說那般云。然而深究則無盡哀沉，幾近於哀悼的情緒。可悲。正以自己竟亦終有輕淡之的一日。